Is This My Life?

Blogger's note: I initially wrote the blog for my personal blog Finding Raymond Mar. An event which happened on Tue Dec 4 changed my mind. I choose to post today's blog at Innovating Common Knowledge titled First Time I Saw A Restaurant Close On Tuesdays and at Finding Raymond Mar titled Is This My Life? Today's blog is minimally edited for grammar.

2018 is over. I wanted to try a restaurant in another city for the first time. I was in the area on Tue Dec 4. The restaurant is closed on Tuesdays. Are you serious? The event summed my recent life. Bad luck. Bad timing. Misfortunes. Missed chances. Missed opportunities. Slipped through the cracks. Just one away. Every good moment there is an asterisk or fine print ruining the good moment; in other words, there is a "but" ruining the good. The world didn't come to an end when I get a sore throat, lose my computer data, minor back pain, miss a sale, or don't get the job. My life can't get worse spiritually speaking. I have shelter, I'm in good health, I have a desktop with internet access, and I live with minimal expenses. On the other hand, my life can get worse such as a car accident, cancer, a devastating earthquake, or being lost in the woods. I'm done with 2018. I'm frustrated what I can't control. Bad results happen. I'm frustrated what I can control I receive small rewards. I'm done controlling everything I can control. Life is unfair. I'm the unfortunate more bad moments than good moments.

2018 is the same as 2016 and 2017. All three are dull years. Ironically, 2018 is the fastest year. 2016 and 2017 were fast years, too. 2014 and 2015 were slower years for which they were better than 2016, 2017, and 2018.

Life itself takes over in 2019. I respond what life gives me. I go with the flow. I'm going back to the past when life controlled me. I follow life, destiny, fate, karma, and Act of God. I maintain being a good person--the same life I have been living hoping for the best. I continue self-responsibility. I experienced more good calendar years than bad calendar years when life controlled me. I have done everything I can do in my control. I have done everything life given me. I react. I try to be proactive if the situation calls. It's a judgment call.

It's not bullshit. It's the truth. It's reality. I receive feedback I'm not doing enough. I'm open to opinions. I receive any communication I'm not doing enough, I'm not focus, I'm not working hard enough, and/or I'm making bad choices. I'm past the clique advice. I'm past the common knowledge. I continue to be open. Tell me something new. I welcome new ideas. I ignore communications making the other person feel better taking advantage of my current depressed life.

2018 is the same as 2016 and 2017. I'm 99.99% confident there are other people living my similar life situation.

Living Solo Is Temporary

I take my chances living alone compared to being with people to avoid loneliness. Most of the people I said goodbye in past years dragged me down. There was no joy. There was no happiness. I felt routine being with these people. I was the lowest common denominator. One goal after I earned freedom is create new circle of friends to share life. We help each other live better lives. We help each other keep our life fresh.