Positives Tue Sept 24-Thur Oct 10, 2013

*Cleaned my house.

*Marathoned Space Brothers for 13 episodes and Shingeki No Kyojin for 12 episodes.

*Hiked at Coyote Hills Regional Park and Villa Montalvo County Park for the first time.

*Rearranged my room.

*Began listening to hip-hop music when working out at the gym with weights.

*Exercised with the Life Cycle for the first time. I also started exercising with the Life Cycle first and the treadmill second.

*Finished reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell.

*No more slips in the bathroom. Purchased a new bath rug.

*Finished Servant X Service.

*Updated my resume by including a timeline.

Fear

Blogger's note: Today's self interview blog is written with limited editing for grammar and content.

What do you fear?

I have four fears.

What are they?

They are living with my parents for the rest of my life, no job, being lonely, and not knowing what I'm going to do with my life.

Let's discuss the first fear which is living with you parents.

I've lived with my parents my entire life. I lived with them even when I graduated from college and worked full time. I didn't move out. I don't pay rent. I live at home rent free. I was never independent.

Why did you choose to live at home your entire life?

I wanted to save money to buy a house. I thought it was a rational choice. I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world to live at home and save money. Home prices continued to skyrocket. The thought of owning a home vanished. I just stayed at home.

Did you have any inspiration, any motivation to move out and live an adult life?

I didn't. Speaking candidly, I was immature, naive, and not wise for my age as an adult. I was weak and I really didn't know what I was doing. I just went to work and came home to my parent's house. The idea of moving out and living on my own never happened from the time I convinced myself I couldn't afford a home to recently.

You parents encouraged you to move out?

Nope.

Now you want to move out.

I want to move out. I want to be independent. I'm a mature adult ready for the world. I want to make my own choices, live my own way consistently, control my life, and be proactive. All of these feelings of independence and living on my own I should had those feelings in my mid 20s. I have the desire to continue finding out more about who I am. The best way is living on my own. The independence inside me is coming out.

You're realizing you're ready to leave your mother's nest. Good for you. Make sure you're a good and strong person. You attract people. You must remain strong to overcome your fears. Let's talk about the second fear which is not having a job.

Sure. My last job was at Cisco. My contract was terminated because Cisco couldn't afford me. I went back to school earning an AA degree in Accounting at De Anza. I have been searching for a job since I graduated.

How's the job search going?

It's really tough. Times have changed since the last time I job searched and found a position at Cisco. Job searching was easier back then because companies were hiring. Today, job searching has significantly changed. Many people are unemployed and few positions are available. Some people say the job market is improving and some people say the job market is not improving. I interviewed for four job openings this year. I interviewed for seven opening s last year. Each year I don't get a job weakens my marketability for a job because I have work experience gaps.

What about your AA Accounting degree at De Anza?

Employers and recruiters overlook the gap going back to school. There is nothing more I can do. I choose to go back to school instead of job searching during the financial recession. Blame the system.

Blame the system?

Millions of people like me are out there. We have work experience gaps. Companies want job candidates with recent experience and lots of years working at the position. It's an employer's market. Employers can pick and choose from a big selection. Times have changed.

Good luck and never give up. If you stop job searching, you give up. And always continue to improve your resumes, cover letters, and applications.

Thank you!

Let's continue on with your third fear. We can discuss the job market for a long time. The third fear is being lonely. Explain because you do have friends you spend time with.

Yes, I do. The fear of being lonely is related to living at home with my parents and indefinite unemployment fears. First, when you live at home, you're limited to meeting new people and having them spend time at my home. Nobody new wants to spend time at a parent's home, let alone, my parent's house; moreover, my parents are closed, not open people. Second, since I'm unemployed, I can't meet new people in the workforce whether it's co-workers, managers, and clients or customers. Friendships are created at work sometimes.

Having said those, my circle of friends is limited. My friends in my immediate circle have additional circles. I really don't. Some of my other circles are out of town and I rarely see them. People change and their circumstances change. I fear one of these days I'm going to say good bye to my friends one by one as they pursue their goals and ambitions. I remain with my life static living at home and searching for a job.

Moreover, my static life is inhibiting me from meeting new people. I don't think people want to make friends with an unemployed person living with his parents.

I think you summed up the third fear very well. Let's finish up with the fourth fear which is not knowing what I'm going to do with my life. Explain.

*long pause*

Umm, I believe the fourth fear is the strongest fear. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm doing my best living life one day at a time. If I know what I want to do, I pursue that goal now.

Recently, I made significant changes to my daily priorities. From a priority viewpoint, I know what I'm doing. The top priorities are job searching, online classes, taking care of the home, checking email, working out at the gym, completing errands, writing blogs, social life, and listening to music. One of my longest hobbies, anime, is a third priority. I'm losing interest in watching anime.

I really don't know what I want to do long term. My best explanation is living a descent and honest life taking care of myself and the people I care for. I want to find a job and live on my own. I always meet new people and make new friends. I seek new adventures and experience new experiences. I continue to learn everything in life. Never stop learning. Never stop innovating. I want to overcome my weaknesses such as holding back. There is much to do in life. I have lots to catch up from what I missed a long time ago. I really don't have anything specific.

It's okay not knowing what I'm going to do with my life. Many people older than me don't know their answer. I don't want to die without answering my question. Again, I live life one day at a time.

You also need to have faith to overcome your fears.

You know I made that discovery today. I think I don't believe in myself. I have strength, intelligence, and growing wisdom. I didn't have faith. Starting today, I have faith in everything I do. I believe in myself to overcome my fears. I have faith to find a job. I find a job and then I move out of the house. My independence is stronger when I meet new people and make new friends. In time, I find what I want to do with my life. Again, today, I live one day at a time with faith.

I'm happy you made the faithful discovery in yourself. Some of us forget about the power in a person's soul including hope and faith. In particular, when you job search, you concentrate on the best resume such that you include the best words and correct grammar. Also, you concentrate on finding openings on multiple job opening web sites. Hope and faith are important. Finally, let's review your four fears. I wish you the best to overcome them. In time, new fears arise as you continue to live life.

Thank you. The first is living with my parents for the rest of my life. The second is not finding a job. The third is being alone. The fourth is not knowing what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

How Has Your Life Changed Five Years Ago?

Blogger's note: The Q&A blog entry is written with limited editing for grammar and content.

Today is the five year anniversary I realized I must grow up on Oct 4, 2008. I self-interview myself how life changed since.

How's your life now?

Life is good. The downside is I'm unemployed. I continue to meet new people. I have the most friends ever. I experience lots of new experiences such as food, new hobbies, and reading fiction books. I used to read non-fiction books before Oct 4, 2008. I seek new adventures. My life motto is, "get up and do something, anything".

Describe what it means to you being "grown up"?

Being a grown up is being a mature adult. Wise up. No more acting like a child complaining and hating. I'm responsible for myself. I'm responsible for my actions, surroundings, and interactions with people. I'm living life being mature. I live with an experience, a perspective, and a new viewpoint. I don't life as an immature, naive, asshole adult.

So it's like a wake-up call?

Yeah, good way of saying what's like finally realizing it was time to grow up. Another way of saying I must grow up is I must take my head out of my ass. I never went back to being a naive, immature adult. I have been getting better. I have been getting stronger, wiser, and smarter. I have been experiencing new experiences and seeking new adventures.

What were some of the immediate changes?

I downloaded new gym workout plans. My old workout was wrong. I donated all my old clothes. No more polo shirts and plain white t-shirts. I wear sports shirts and beautiful t-shirts. And I wear good gym shirts and shorts; no more t-shirts and cotton shorts.

I built a new PC for myself. I want to thank my dad and my friends Appu and gmontem for their help.

And I created my second blog "Finding Raymond Mar".

What were some of the lessons you learned?

Never take life for granted. Always meet new people and make new friends. Never stop learning, never stop innovating. I'm responsible for everything in my life. I must earn my successes. And find new things to do.

How did you feel losing your job at Cisco?

It was a blessing in disguise. It was the life reset I desperately needed. I took a break from my life. Reset, regroup myself, and refocus. Get my life back together. Find who the real Raymond Mar was. I didn't expect being unemployed for a long time.

Was going back to De Anza College planned or was it an opportunity that happened?

It was an opportunity that just happened. I was introduced to ballroom dancing from my sister. She encouraged me to take a class at De Anza College. My first quarter was ballroom dancing and strength training. The strength training class was a good opportunity to practice more workout plans. I continued ballroom dancing for most of my time at De Anza.

I continued enrollment at De Anza taking accounting classes starting at my second quarter. I finished with an AA degree in Accounting hoping I find a job with my BS in Economics at San Jose State and my AA combined. They look really good together with business knowledge and a field with analytical thinking on paper. As of now, I'm still looking for a job. Today's job market is an employer's market. Almost all jobs want a BA in Accounting and experience instead of an AA in Accounting.

Going back to college was a mulligan. I wanted to experience college life I should have experienced at San Jose State. I was more sociable. I met lots of new people and made new friends. I didn't take my classes seriously. A few of my classes I studied lightly. I participated in more study groups. I checked out DVDs from the library. De Anza was a significant part of my personal processes to grow up. Growing up involved living an active life in the 20s. I had an opportunity to experience living in my 20s again at a college environment.

You consider yourself lucky you grew up in your 30s. You missed a lot of your life in your 20s. Obviously De Anza helped you catch up what you missed.

Part of my motivation living the best life I can possible do is catching up what I should have experienced, learned, and done earlier in my life. The last five years I've been catching up what I failed to do in my 20s. De Anza was huge because, as mentioned before, I got to relive college life I should have experienced when I was at San Jose State. Moreover, technology today with emails, cell phones, smart phones, and social networking helped me keep in touch with the people I met. At San Jose State, email just started and only a handful had cell phones.

Anyways, I've done a lot in the last five years. I was living life as a 20 year old something. I took a class on ice skating. I visited the Charles Schulz museum. I played video games late night. I marathon TV shows in the late night. I went canoeing on the Russian River. I visited Carmel. I met lots of new people. I ate new foods, lots of new foods. The best example is I tried clam chowder for the first time this year. I went hiking. I shaved with a razor instead of an electric razor. I learned how to play Mahjong (Riichi). And I have a girlfriend.

When you see people act immature for their age, what are you thinking?

Good question. I believe there's going to be a moment, a situation, an event that wakes up that person. When that person wakes up, he or she says it's time to grow up. I believe no matter the age, a person still can grow up. The hatred, the stress about life treating them like shit, and the complaints disappear immediately. The person enjoys life as it's meant to be. I believe the world can be a better place for every human being if everyone just wise up and grow up.

The person's circumstances, personality, personal attributes, and life situations are taken into account. For example, if a person is a jerk, a loner, and can't hold a job, then the chances of him or her growing up is really, really slim. Part of my growing up self-discovery is being with people. How well do people treat me? I'm lucky I have good self-awareness to realize most people didn't treat me well. When I grew up, people started treating me well.

The bottom line is some people are more likely than others to realize they must grow up sooner instead of later. It depends on a number of factors to increase or decrease the likelihood. And there are some people who die not being a mature adult. I observe those immature people and make a guess.

What are you looking forward ahead?

Simply stated, find a job and live on my own. My life moves at normal speed. Currently, my life is either paused or moving in slow motion since I'm unemployed.

As we continue to live, mature people get wiser, smarter, and stronger. It's like we infinitely continue to grow up since we age and get older. We meet new people. We experience new experiences. We seek new adventures. We find new interests. People come and go in our lives. We make mistakes. We continue to make mistakes. We continue to learn from the mistakes. We continue to learn something new. We don't say grow up anymore because we commonly say growing up is good bye to the youth and hello to adulthood. We say wise up or growing older.

Life changes every day. We should change to be better. Change for a reason. I don't think I ever stop growing up. I continue to grow up every day when I experience new experiences, seek new adventures, learn something new, and discover a new attribute in Raymond Mar. I continue to grow up because I'm getting stronger, smarter, and wiser. I'm more open and I listen.