Desperate For More Positives

I'm desperate for more positives. I'm desperate for new positives. I want to earn positives beyond movies, books, cleaning the house, and eating new foods for the first time. I want to earn new positives both quantitative and qualitative wise. My life currently sucks. My life is on pause. I'm experiencing more bad luck. I'm living a cursed life. My past years have been bad. I'm walking on the loser life line.

The paragraph above has some truth. I could be dumb. I could be weak. I could have chronic health problems. I could live a worse life. However, I count my blessings. I appreciate what I have. I make the best living in the present.

Have I thought about my fears? Yes. Have I thought about my fears being realized? Yes. My fears are living with my parents for the rest of my life, being unemployed, being lonely, not knowing what I'm going to do with my life and becoming a bad person. My fears are reality. My fears affect my life to the day I die. There are winners and losers. I'm with the losers.