Anti-Social For The First Time

Blogger's note: Today's blog is posted at both Innovating Common Knowledge and Finding Raymond Mar.

I feel anti-social today and yesterday for the first time in my life. I never believed people can be anti-social. People can be alone to take a break from being with people. People can't be alone to avoid human contact. I'm incorrect. People can be alone to avoid human contact.

I believe I'm anti-social for the entire week. I had trouble sleeping Sun Feb 12. I thought my trouble was drinking Coke and an adrenaline rush--Coke and adrenaline are a bad mix. Today's blog questions the Coke and adrenaline. I workout at the gym yesterday and earlier today only. I didn't workout most of the weekdays. I didn't learn Python and JavaScript the entire work week. I did review Excel and VBA earlier today before going to the gym. I job searched inconsistently. The bottom line is I'm not being myself.

Why do I feel anti-social? Can it be a chemical imbalance? Can it be a hormone imbalance? My brain messes up my feelings. I'm not a psychologist. My answers are yes. Also, I have thought about me being a failure. I'm doing my best to find a job, meet new people, and live independently. None of the three exist. I ask myself what am I doing wrong? Sometimes I answer I'm doing everything correctly. I'm strengthening my resume learning new job skills. I job search two times a day five days a week. I workout at the gym four or five days a week. Sometimes I answer I'm a failure. Almost all the people I know have jobs, live independently, and have a social life. They're mature adults living independently. I want to stay away from them. It's not their fault I feel anti-social. I feel like a failure when I'm in their presence.

Today's blog is an example I'm a human being. Feeling anti-social is temporary. I continue holding on. I hope next week I'm myself again. Life flows my way soon.