Fear

Blogger's note: Today's self interview blog is written with limited editing for grammar and content.

What do you fear?

I have four fears.

What are they?

They are living with my parents for the rest of my life, no job, being lonely, and not knowing what I'm going to do with my life.

Let's discuss the first fear which is living with you parents.

I've lived with my parents my entire life. I lived with them even when I graduated from college and worked full time. I didn't move out. I don't pay rent. I live at home rent free. I was never independent.

Why did you choose to live at home your entire life?

I wanted to save money to buy a house. I thought it was a rational choice. I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world to live at home and save money. Home prices continued to skyrocket. The thought of owning a home vanished. I just stayed at home.

Did you have any inspiration, any motivation to move out and live an adult life?

I didn't. Speaking candidly, I was immature, naive, and not wise for my age as an adult. I was weak and I really didn't know what I was doing. I just went to work and came home to my parent's house. The idea of moving out and living on my own never happened from the time I convinced myself I couldn't afford a home to recently.

You parents encouraged you to move out?

Nope.

Now you want to move out.

I want to move out. I want to be independent. I'm a mature adult ready for the world. I want to make my own choices, live my own way consistently, control my life, and be proactive. All of these feelings of independence and living on my own I should had those feelings in my mid 20s. I have the desire to continue finding out more about who I am. The best way is living on my own. The independence inside me is coming out.

You're realizing you're ready to leave your mother's nest. Good for you. Make sure you're a good and strong person. You attract people. You must remain strong to overcome your fears. Let's talk about the second fear which is not having a job.

Sure. My last job was at Cisco. My contract was terminated because Cisco couldn't afford me. I went back to school earning an AA degree in Accounting at De Anza. I have been searching for a job since I graduated.

How's the job search going?

It's really tough. Times have changed since the last time I job searched and found a position at Cisco. Job searching was easier back then because companies were hiring. Today, job searching has significantly changed. Many people are unemployed and few positions are available. Some people say the job market is improving and some people say the job market is not improving. I interviewed for four job openings this year. I interviewed for seven opening s last year. Each year I don't get a job weakens my marketability for a job because I have work experience gaps.

What about your AA Accounting degree at De Anza?

Employers and recruiters overlook the gap going back to school. There is nothing more I can do. I choose to go back to school instead of job searching during the financial recession. Blame the system.

Blame the system?

Millions of people like me are out there. We have work experience gaps. Companies want job candidates with recent experience and lots of years working at the position. It's an employer's market. Employers can pick and choose from a big selection. Times have changed.

Good luck and never give up. If you stop job searching, you give up. And always continue to improve your resumes, cover letters, and applications.

Thank you!

Let's continue on with your third fear. We can discuss the job market for a long time. The third fear is being lonely. Explain because you do have friends you spend time with.

Yes, I do. The fear of being lonely is related to living at home with my parents and indefinite unemployment fears. First, when you live at home, you're limited to meeting new people and having them spend time at my home. Nobody new wants to spend time at a parent's home, let alone, my parent's house; moreover, my parents are closed, not open people. Second, since I'm unemployed, I can't meet new people in the workforce whether it's co-workers, managers, and clients or customers. Friendships are created at work sometimes.

Having said those, my circle of friends is limited. My friends in my immediate circle have additional circles. I really don't. Some of my other circles are out of town and I rarely see them. People change and their circumstances change. I fear one of these days I'm going to say good bye to my friends one by one as they pursue their goals and ambitions. I remain with my life static living at home and searching for a job.

Moreover, my static life is inhibiting me from meeting new people. I don't think people want to make friends with an unemployed person living with his parents.

I think you summed up the third fear very well. Let's finish up with the fourth fear which is not knowing what I'm going to do with my life. Explain.

*long pause*

Umm, I believe the fourth fear is the strongest fear. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm doing my best living life one day at a time. If I know what I want to do, I pursue that goal now.

Recently, I made significant changes to my daily priorities. From a priority viewpoint, I know what I'm doing. The top priorities are job searching, online classes, taking care of the home, checking email, working out at the gym, completing errands, writing blogs, social life, and listening to music. One of my longest hobbies, anime, is a third priority. I'm losing interest in watching anime.

I really don't know what I want to do long term. My best explanation is living a descent and honest life taking care of myself and the people I care for. I want to find a job and live on my own. I always meet new people and make new friends. I seek new adventures and experience new experiences. I continue to learn everything in life. Never stop learning. Never stop innovating. I want to overcome my weaknesses such as holding back. There is much to do in life. I have lots to catch up from what I missed a long time ago. I really don't have anything specific.

It's okay not knowing what I'm going to do with my life. Many people older than me don't know their answer. I don't want to die without answering my question. Again, I live life one day at a time.

You also need to have faith to overcome your fears.

You know I made that discovery today. I think I don't believe in myself. I have strength, intelligence, and growing wisdom. I didn't have faith. Starting today, I have faith in everything I do. I believe in myself to overcome my fears. I have faith to find a job. I find a job and then I move out of the house. My independence is stronger when I meet new people and make new friends. In time, I find what I want to do with my life. Again, today, I live one day at a time with faith.

I'm happy you made the faithful discovery in yourself. Some of us forget about the power in a person's soul including hope and faith. In particular, when you job search, you concentrate on the best resume such that you include the best words and correct grammar. Also, you concentrate on finding openings on multiple job opening web sites. Hope and faith are important. Finally, let's review your four fears. I wish you the best to overcome them. In time, new fears arise as you continue to live life.

Thank you. The first is living with my parents for the rest of my life. The second is not finding a job. The third is being alone. The fourth is not knowing what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.